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This #monsterdon movie starts with a realistic looking lander doing a realistic landing on the moon, labelled "UN 1", I think; maybe its a multinational space mission from the good timeline.

The spacecraft looks like the upper stage of a rocket, so I'm guessing that its set up for direct ascent, but then we see the astronauts inside and then they radio a mothership, so I guess this is some kind of lunar-orbit rendezvous setup.

I like space.

Okay so I'd like to point out that this spaceship is staffed like a clown car. There's like 42 astronauts in this moon lander. Okay, maybe more like 6, but still a very high number of astronauts.

Anyway, they are all white men, because the 60s.

So I guess our astronaut crew is multinational, because they all have flags on their space suits from different countries, and after they land we cut to a Ticker Tape parade and adoring news broadcasts from multiple countries, including the USA, the USSR and Japan and probably some other countries too.

I'm guessing the moon lander carries so large of a crew because of diplomacy... which... actually is a pretty good reason.

Aight so we get a mystery as our modern astronauts are wandering the moon and then they find a British flag, a glove and a plaque from 1899 claiming the moon for Queen Victoria or something.

Realistically, the modern cosmonaut is like "bro the kremlin aint gonna believe this bro", but back on the earth orb, the British people are very excited because it means they did a thing they can say "neener neener we did a moon landing first!" at the rest of the world.

Yo do British people say "Neener Neener!"? Or do they say a different thing to mock their enemies?

Maybe they just say "tut tut"?

Anyway, if you are a UK person, willingly or not, feel free to answer this pressing linguistic and cultural question.

Okay, so after Terf Island is excited that its on the map again for a doing a moon landing in 1899, they find an old mustached guy in an attic and he's like "yeah i was in the moon, it was 1899... I was involved in a failed business venture let me tell you about it." and then we flashback to 1899 where a lady in a gigantic hat is driving an infernal contraption, which most boomers would call a "car", to meet her fancy fiancee who is writing a play in a fancy house I think.

"Army Surplus Boots from the Boer War" is a pretty good randomly generated trade good.

Okay, so the fancy boy explains that he might have to sell his nice cottage because debts, which makes the fancy girl he's engaged too mildly worried.

We then encounter our third character, a bald mustached scientist who arrives, as all scientists do, on a cross country bicycle. I guess this is the guy who they find in an attic later.

Displaying hospitality, the fancy lady makes the scientist tea; he offers to buy the cottage so he can have a secret research lab.

Anyway, after drinking some tea, the scientist starts shouting "oh no the furnace the furnace!" and runs screaming into the hills. I think I shall start doing that after drinking tea now.

Characters so far:

Playwright - fancy guy, has aristocratic debts, early adopter of car technology
The Girl (tm) - fancy lady, pragmatic salesperson, hospitable, has giant hat
Science Mustache - a respectable eccentric
Future Astronauts (irrelevant)
Future British People (also irrelevant)

Okay, so the science master who name is Cavor or something, has invented a Special Magical Material which is called Cavorite and is anti-gravity, so he wants to use it to make a moonship, but not like a rocket moonship but like a hollow orb that uses antigravity to levitate itself to the moon. Which he is building in his garage or garden shed or something.

The playwright is very happy his friend the scientist has invented the magic antigravity material, because he is motivated by comfort and also money. The scientist wants to take the orb ship to the moon, because he is motivated, probably, by curiosity. He wants the playwright to go with him, but the playwright doesn't want to go until the science master is like "bro there's gold on the moon!" and then the playwrite is like "i'm in."

I very much like how we just need a furnace and a garage to build a spaceship. This is some survival crafting game level rapid tech tree progress.

new favorite character: the greenhouse geese who chirp but, according to the scientist, are just like dogs.

someone should take some geese to the moon someday.

The science master managed to break the greenhouse testing his antigravity material, which causes an understandable neighborhood consternation. This incident, and the scientist gushing over his diving suits that he wants to use as space suits, reveals the moon plot to the fancy lady, who thinks going to the moon is a dumb idea that will kill her husband/fiancee/boytoy, so she is upset.

I like how the cavorite makes a goopy bouncy sound when the professor applies it to the side of his spaceship with a literal paintbrush.

After being upset, Kate (the fancy lady) decides to help, by gathering useful foraging supplies for the moon expedition. These supplies include:

* live chickens (for fresh food)
* a giant elephant gun

In her defense, if you asked a 19th century person what supplies people would need for a moon expedition most of them would probably include "live chickens" and "giant guns" on that list. At least she's not handing him a Maxim gun to shoot the moon natives.

After passive aggressively handing him thoughtful moon supplies (chickens and guns, the machinery of life and death, respectively), Kate decides to give the playwright an ultimatum where she can either go with the science weirdo and probably die or stay with her.

So, you can have either love or cool moon adventures, but not both!

Also, the whole time this relationship / logistics drama is happening, Cavor is running back and forth freaking out because Kate keeps opening doors and threatening to upset the Cavorite furnace temperature and being vaguely misogynistic about it, in what I guess is an eccentric 19th century guy sort of way.

So while Kate is pouting in her cottage waiting for the playwright to come back, she is visited by the bank that reports that they actually own the cottage, which angers her.

Her boyfriend has apparently chosen lunar wealth over love, and is chilling with Cavor in the space orb.

Cavor is more thoughtful and frees his geese before going on a moon mission.

As they are getting ready to launch their moon orb, Kate decides to yell at Bedford (the playwright, see I can learn names sometimes!) because of the financial ruin they are in. Unfortunately, the moon orb takes out so they have to drag her inside as the orb accelerates into space.

Cavor finds out they aren't married and says "Well then kindly leave the room!" which everyone thinks is funny and then they have a laugh.

Okay, so the moon orb is kind of fun. From the outside it looks like a cross between a polyhedral dice and a Japanese paper lantern, only with knobs coming out of it.

From the inside, it has old timey portholes to look out of, but the rest of the inside is like... green velvet? It also has ropes inside so you can hang on to something while being yeeted through space, which seems like a good design feature.

Okay, so because we suck at navigation, we're headed toward the sun instead of the moon which is bad, but then I guess we get on course because a chicken flaps around the space orb.

Cavor reveals that he loves geese and hates chickens, and is mad at the chicken because he's a bird racist.

So I guess to land our knobby space orb we have to somehow adjust it to counter the gravity of the moon and slow down, but the landing sequence mostly involves us holding on to the ropes as the ball rolls across the moon and bounces violently before settling to a stop.

I think I did a landing on the Mun like that in Kerbal Space Program once.

Also, I super like the mountainous lunar landscape they have here. Very unearthly and neat.

The British people are not playing against stereotypes when they walk out of their moon orb and decide it will be a nice colony as they claim the moon for Queen Victoria and the British Empire.

I am appreciating the bumbling quality of this space expedition, where the amateur astronauts aim themselves at the wrong celestial body, yell at a surprise chicken, screw on a diving helmet and then get drunk on oxygen. It's kind of relatable actually.